My little brother, Erik (see photo), is an interesting character. He plays bass guitar professionally on cruise ships. He is covered in tattoos including a white dove, brass knuckles labeled “Love thy Neighbor,” and the Monopoly man. He buys lots of hats and had a phase where he was looking for random MiLB baseball caps (that’s right, minor league) for reasons I cannot fathom. He drives a “pimped out” minivan with a huge subwoofer, random dice paraphernalia, and interior blue lights. And on the next cruise ship, he plans to hang a disco ball in his room. My brother is an interesting character.
Being an interesting character, he occasionally says interesting things about the interesting things that happen to him. We were talking about Peter Pan’s mermaid harem, I made a joke about mail-order brides, and he ended up saying this:
“Did I tell you about the time I almost did that? It was my first cruise and a Brazilian woman asked me to marry her for a green card. I was like nineteen. She offered me two thousand dollars to marry her for two years. She was gorgeous. But that’s weird! I thought about it for about thirty seconds, like, ‘Well, you are nice, and…wait…no!'”
Things my brother says.